I haven't read graces blog yet and it's hard for me not to. For my nature is to want to know things. The hardest part is when I know when she has done one. On our trip back she said she hadn't wrote one in a long time and plans to write one soon. She also said she hasn't read mine since that first time. I would feel horable if I found out she was lieing to me. Just as I'm sure if I read her blog and she found out. It would be a major issue that trust would b lost. Like I know she has a diary. She told me that she blogs things she can and uses her diary to put things down that she can't put in her blog. Because so menu poeple know about her blog and doesn't want to have back lash from it. I don't like to b in her house alone because the temptation to find her dairy and find out how she realy feels is strong. But I don't look for thing and always ask before looking for something. I don't want to come across anthing she doesn't want me to see. Besides the feelings I reseve from her are loveing and desire and want. Long as I feel that she wants to be with me I won't read her blog. Long as I feel that she is being honest and true to herself and me I have no reason to read her blog. All I feel is longing but after spending all my time with her after a week I can tell she's ready for some time alone. Witch I understand. She is trying so hard to be with me. I just hope she's doing it for her self and not for me. As much as it would hurt for her to let me go. I would rather it be sooner then later. Do I...do I realy feel that way. I think I would have/be with her any way I could get her. At times I feel like she doesn't know how or can't exept that someone loves her for what she is...dings and all. It's as if she thinks she's not worth someones love so openly...some one that makes it so clear that they want her and to be around her. I'm interested in everything she does. It's an intersting feeling knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with some one and haven't been with them very long. But it's true I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Man I'm exhausted. I need to sleep but I can't I have too drive. I need to make some money. I'm broke. I got $100 in my account. I haven't been this broke in a long time. I have to make $2500 by the 1st or I'm screwed. I hate not paying bills on time. All the time I have taken off has fugged me. But the time I got to spend with grace has been priceless. I wouldn't have missed her stemcell donation for any reason. I made plans with her and I haven't missed those plans yet but now I can't make any plans or miss any work for anything. Well I will miss work for only a few reasons. The highest one would be if she ended up in the hospital...let's hope that doesn't happen. Ok almost drove off the road so got to go
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