Yuk

I drive til just after 11pm. Last night. Grace made it to SD and the hotel ok. I went tosleep fast. I woke up 4 hours later. I felt ok. Then ten minutes later I just wanted to puke. I don't know y I felt that way but I did. It's not completly gone either. I hope I feel better real quick. I have to try to get alittle more sleep in. I have to drive today from about 3pm to 1am. I need to make it to las vegas so I can get to my flight to SD.

I talked to my mom yesterday(yes I talk to my mom a few times a week) and she just said the same thing like always just stay passative. Oh horseshit. I try to stay passative. It's the only thing keeping me going. The end resolt. Were I want to be. Now I admit that I have been tierd of driving a truck long haul for a very long time. I had been looking for a local job but just not fully looking for one. Not puttting 100% into it. Now that I'm dateing grace. She put a fire under my butt. And has motivated me to look very hard for one. Now she hasn't said a word to me about trying to find one and has only helped me to look for one. I decided I wanted a local job because I know she wouldn't stay with me for long if I was a long haul driver. For that matter no woman would. Grace opened my eyes to that affect. So I'm doing everything u can to find a local job. I wish I could tell you how great grace is but growing up my family didn't talk about there feelings we kept them inside and that's what I thought was normal. So I haven't been able to express my feelings well but I'm working on it. Grace gives me a smile that warms my heart and takes my breath away. The way she looks into my eyes cuts straight into my soel.i can see love, wanting, pain, heartach, desire in those eyes. It changes from time to time. Her hugs are devine. Now she does alot of crafty things and skates plus more things I don't even know about yet. Lol she is a very busy person. I feel like I'm intruding on her normal thing to do sometimes. I try to help her in any way I can. She sets time aside for me when I'm home. I am amazed at all that she does and trys to find time for me too. I have alot of baggage...kid, exwife, live with exs perants, work for them, have a crapy car, and through all that she is still giveing me a chance. If fir nothing else I love her for that. I love her for other reasons aswell but just giving me a chance is a huge plus. I can wait to get to SD and spend some time with her. Plus the main reason I'm going is I want to be in that room when she's donating her stem cells. I had to be there. It was all last minute. And I was on the road and had a load before she found out that she had to go down. I had an over welling feeling that I could not miss this!!! I took it to the point of were I was going to quit my job and just go. I told her this and she put reason back to my head. I started to cry. I can't say why but I did. I guess it was the overselling feelin that I had to go. As if my relationship with grace was on the line. I know it wasn't but it felt that way. After buying my plane ticket. And the miles I will get payed. It will be a wash for me. I hope. I hope she understands how much I'm dedicating to her. I took off an entire week for her so I could meet her family. Well maybe I didn't take the week off for her alone. I aplyed to jobs got some other things done too. I have taken off three weeks in about two months. I can't take any more time off from work right now. I'm almost broke. I haven't been this low on cash in some time. Well I have to try and get that sleep I was talking about so.....