Job

I'm so tierd of missing everything becuase of my job. I have been wanting a local job for two years now but haven't realy looked hard for one until now. What changed you ask. Grace came into my life and put the fire under my ass. She hasn't told me that I must do this. She is suportive in anything I do but she makes sure it's for the right reasons. She is amazing. She has been so acamidating to everything. This last weekend when I was home and had my daughter she spent time with her and she didn't mind haveing her around. From what it looked like anyways. She did take some time to be by herself and then a friend to someone that was going through a brake up. I understood on both accounts. One she had spent alot of time with me and my daughter. I was ok with her takeing time to do what ever she wanted. I don't expect her to spend time with me all the time and drop everything she has going on just to spend time with me. That's selfish of me to want that. And I'm not that way. I think it's great that she wants to get to know my daughter. I would never ask or expect her to be my daughters second mother. But the fact that she is trying to be friends with her says alot. We all went bowling and it was fun until we were leaveing and my daughter ran off to hide. It scared the shit out of me!!! We found her and I took her outside to talk to her and asked why she did that. I was pissed and at the edge of tears with worry. Grace came over and talked to her as I said by to friends that came with us. I didn't want to say bye at the time I wanted to talk to my daughter but grace was already talking to her. I almost started crying again because grace was talking to her. I didn't expect grace to do that. It suprised me in a good way. I haven't told her I loved her inperson in some time. I want to but I always think of how soon it is and how I know she won't say it back yet and I don't want to push her into saying it. The second is that she needed to talk to her friend. It cut down time I would have with her but it was fine. Things come up. The whole weekend was great. I had a great time with my daughter and with grace.

Back to the job thing. I can't stand being gone from her this much any more. I want to be around her. I don't need her undivided atention all the time. Just being near her is enough. I want to have a local job so I can see my kid more and make plans to go on mini trips with grace and my daughter. Everything whould be so much better with a local job. Plus I'm just fed up with driveing over the road. The hours suck. And home time is a joke. The big problem is that when I get home I know I don't have alot of time home so I try to cram as much stuff in as I can. And I don't get to see my daughter alot since my ex moved out to BFE and only comes into town once a month. And when I get home she dumps the kid off on me from moment one to the last second before I leave. I don't get a second to myself. Granted I should spend time with my daughter and I do want to. It's just how my ex handles it pisses me off and makes me not want ti spend time with my daughter. It's so frustrating. And it's not fair to my daughter. The last weekend I chomped down on my tounge and had a great time with my daughter. I didn't let my ex get to me. It was an awesome time with my daughter. I miss her already. The fact that grace spend time with both of us was great.

The place I'm moveing into has a pool and my daughter loves the water. It's going to work out well at the new place. And hopefully by me being out of the house where my ex stays when she drops off my daughter to me is across town things should get easier. Well there should be less drama. That's what I'm hopeing for anyways. My ex loves drama an can't live without it so I'm sure there will be new reasons to bitch at me.

Things between grace and i are going smoothly. After this last weekend I feel like things will only get better and once I have a local job even better. Speaking about local job. I'm going to see what's ourt there today. Haven't checke yet.