Ho hum

So grace went to a rave last night...as a guard. Talked to her a bit before she went to bed. She said it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. I'm glad she's home safe and sleeping. So woke up with a start and a bad feeling. I now know why I had a bad feeling. At first I thought it was something to do with grace. After talking with her I know it wasn't about her. Whew. Then my boss woke up and told me the news. The truck has a check engine light on but no code with it. So we don't know what the problem is. I'm driveing to billings, mt. They have a shop there for us to get the truck checked out. So we hope it's something that we can drive home with or we are stuck there until it gets fixed. Not good.
So grace said she's tierd of all her movies that she has. I'm going to set her up with my external hard drive and my old laptop or she can use her laptop. Anyways by doing that she will have the tv show I got her interested in. Hehe. How I met your mother. Good show. Plus I can put movies on it so there are other things she can watch. I just have to pick up the cords at best buy. It's not a big deal cus I need them anyways. I have been wanting to do something romantic with grace for a time now. I thought of two things. A diner cruise at lake tahoe or a day at the spa. She got way exited about the spa. So that's what will do. I plan on doing the diner cruise closer to her bday. I want to give her her bday present then. It's the best gift I can possably give her. Her gift is a round trip to LA by plain. So she can see her family. She's very close to her family. I won't always b able to do it for her but I want to do it when I can.

So I'm almost done with my bankrupcy. My three months should almost be done. I can't wait cus I want to buy a newer car. It will be used but better than what I got. I'm hopeing I can get a truck. I think a truck suits me. I have had two in the past and liked them. Didn't use them to haul stuff alot. Lol. But I'm SURE grace will have plenty of uses for it. Hehe. With all she has going on I'm sure once she knows she can use my truck any time she wants she will. Lol.

Also getting closer to haveing that local job I want. Hopefuly soon I can get my hazmat back and apply to more jobs. I have to update my resume and finish my coverletter. Grace said she would help me with it. I'm glad cus I want it to the best it can be. I'm hopeing for a driver possition first. If not that then a full time job doing what ever that pays at least $16.5 hour. That's my min. If not that then a job that works three 12hr shifts. That way I can drive my bosses other truck on the off days. See it can work like this. Local job about um $350 a week after taxs and going to LA and back witch would make me about $325 a week after taxs. So between the two it works out well. So I plan on redoing my app to petsmart and talking with the hireing guy to explain my idea. By doing that I think I have a chance to work there. You may ask why I want to work there so bad. Becuase that set up would be the best for me. I would have three work nights with grace and then one night in LA the the weekend home to do what ever. It's a great idea and hope I can make it work. Plus if I work on the dock putting bags of dog food on pallets I won't need a gym membership. I will be getting my work out at work. Sweet! Lol. Well that's it for now

Got no clue

So I'm bored and got no idea what's going to come out. Lol. So I'm driving in MO in the back roads. It's nice out here. Trees, open skys, fields and some homes here and there. There's so many places I would love to visit but never had time to stop at with a load. Time was aginst me. So by getting a local job I will be able to make plans to do things. I can't wait. I'm so close to it I can taste it. Grace took my paper work to the courts for me since I haven't been home to. She has no idea how much it ment to me. If u read my blog I haven't talked much about grace lately. Things are going great between us. It will be interesting to see how things go when I have a local job. I know I just know I'm going to spend most of my time with her. It will take a few weeks to realize that I'm not going out on the road to work. Lol I guess I have thought about this alot lately cus here's my plan. Oh ya I'm moveing into the friends place!!! Sweet! Anywhoo so since his place is much closer then were I'm liveing now it will be easier for me to leave her house. I won't need to stay over all the time. Um so much time I will have once I have a local job. I hope I don't smuther her. Lol. She has been so accomidating to me with her time. I made soap with her last week. It isn't as hard as I thought but it was fun. I want to try new things she hasn't tried yet. I'm so exited for her about her bussiness. I love seeing her so exited. I can see it in her eyes and when I'm texting or Talking on yahoo I can feel the exitment in her words. I haven't been able to read someone so well before. Either I'm being more atentive to her than any one else I have been with. Or she's just easy to read. Not sure witch. Oh ya the plan. Lol. Um the nights my friend has his kids over I would stay over at graces. Well atleast one of the nights. And hopefully she will stay over atleast once a week at my place. It would have to be Friday or Saturday night cus every other night she needs to be home to get ready for work and feed the critters. I guess I could go feed the critters during the week if I had a key but I don't see why I need a key yet. Only reason I would need a key would be to take care of the critters if she goes out of town or if I move in and I'm not ready to move in. I still want to be in the stage we are in now until grace moves us to the next level. What that level is I don't know. Lol. Yes I still want to marry her some day. My feelings are only growing stronger for her. And the rest of the week I'm sure I will go back and forth between her house and mine until she says..."I need a me day" and that day if it's a weekend I will go play golf or something. I'm sure once I get used to being home all the time I won't spend every moment I have with her. Things will mellow out. I just hope she can deal with my needyness for a few weeks. I don't think it will take that long for me to get used to.

Ok something else to talk about. Lol. So work has sucked lately. Problems here and there fugging everywhere!! I'm not getting home this weekend and maybe not until next weekend. I can't wait for a local job. I still need to make a deal with the IRS so my wages don't get garnished. One thing at a time. That's all I can do. Dammit I forgot my shaver. I'm getting hairy faced again. Plus I need to get a better car. Well I want a truck. It will have to be used. Don't have good enough credit to get a new one. Used will work for a few years. It's comfurting to know that I will have the life I want cus I'm willing to work hard to get it. So I decided to DNA test my daughter. I have to know now. I'm going to use graces house to have the resalts back. That way no one will know I did it and can't give me shit for it. Also I think I will let grace open the resalts of the test and have her tell me. Haha if she will do that for me. Haven't asked her yet. So my ex is haveing a baby shower and I have to go. I'm not looking forward to it. That's all I got for now

Ah ha I had a reader woohoo exited

So I had a reader and they even posted a coment. Sweet! So things with grace moved to a new level. It took me a day or so to realize it but driving always makes me think. So we went to AT&T to get me a new cover for my iPhone and a new phone and a new phone line for her business. She tried to get the line added to her account but they wouldn't let her unless she changed her number to a 775 number and then she wouldn't need another line. She has had her 619 number for 8 or 10 years and isn't an option to do. It's part of her and she has a hard time with change. So she asked me what I thought. I said I pay this much a month and that adding a line whould lower my bill. So she said ok. We got her a new phone and made my account to a family account. So two year contract fir her business and me for that matter. I had noticed that she was uneasy. At the time I thought it was because it was takeing for ever to get it all set up. But looking back I now know it was the comitment issues she has. Witch means she's trying realy realy hard to make things work between us and that things are going well between us. Makes me happy to know this. When chafing with her today on yahoo messager she called me dear. I got all warm and fuzzy fellings. Lol we talked about alot of things but one I'm going to hit up here.

So we were talking about family and visiting them and how I haven't seen my dad in a few years. I call him maybe once a week. If I'm realy bored. I don't like talking to him for many reasons but the biggest is that no matter how hard I try the talk always cuts short. Like a two min talk. That it. He calls me sometimes an still only two min long. I don't know what it is about his side of the family but I don't like them at all. The only ones I like are my cusins. Don't like my aunt and her boyfriend. I like my uncle but he's an idiot. Can barely take care of him self. I always felt weird around them. Um maybe it's me cus I feel alittle weird around my mom and step dad. Maybe I just can't be around my family for what ever reason. I have no problem being around graces family. I feel welcome and part of the family already. And since I have only been around them twice....isn't that strange. There has to be some reason I feel more comfertable around other familia then my own. Like when I went to my cusins baby shower. I had a good time but felt awquard around my family. I don't get it. I love my moms side of the family. I even feel comfertable around my step dads family. Most of the time. Aaaaahhhhhh maybe it's because I always feel like I'm being juged all the time. Like I'm not good enough to be with them. I can see how that is since I grow up never realy getting approveal for anything I accomplished. I was always told I can do better. Do better. Not good enough do better. It has to come from that. Now about my dad. Ever since I got my cdl I have always made the trip to see him. Only time he came to me was when he happened to be in the area and even then I had to meet him half way. I'm tierd of makeing all the effert to see him. If he wants to be in my life or his granddaughters life he has to step up and make an effert. Now since I talked to grace today. I have changed my idea alittle. Once I get a local job I may plan trips to see him and his family. We will see.

Grace took down my papers today to the court to get my name changed. Now she had to sign a few papers and the lady helping her said it souls be ok. So if all goes well maybe by the time I go home I can have my name legaly changed and can get my hazmat back and start applying to local jobs. I'm so exited!!! Oh and grace was telling me about some of the derby drama that's going on. Well one thing she talked about was haveing a shcedual to teach the fresh meat how to do all the skills of skateing. And that if one person choose a Friday night a month that the new girls could get the coaching they need. Plus that way everyone whould get along better and want to stay. But back to what I wanted to say. Grace talked about us in the long term. Well alot lately come to think of it. Maybe she's gettin over her issues about comitment. Idk but I'm happy were we stand. Blah blah blah ok bed time. Got to start driveing in a few hours and I'm sure I will be blogging then too since I started this thing at um 6 am. Lol

New place

So I haven't talked about this yet but here goes. So I work with my exs dad well I work for him. And I rent a room from them as well. The house is huge and it's a two story house. I live in the down stairs part. It has a kitchen and everything so I don't have to go upstairs at all if I don't want to. I have two doors that lead striaght to the down stairs area. So when my ex comes into town so I can see my daughter they (her new husband and her) stay there. Upstairs ofcoarse. So I get crap from her the whole time she's there. Working and liveing with the exs is overwelming now. It worked for a time but I HAVE to get the fug out of that place. A friend is renting a room and I asked about it and he said that I can rent it. The only problem is that my lease isn't up until august. I asked him if he could hold the room that long. He replayed to me about an hour ago. If he gets a tenant they will be out by august. I'm so freaking exited!!! It's a good size room and has cable in it and a dvr. Sweet!! I would have to share a bathroom but I do that now so no biggie. I can't wait for august to come. Plus grace may even stay there from time to time. Witch would be nice since I always stay at her place. I don't mind too much cus if I shower there she has a heater in the bathroom. OMG. It's great haveing that heater. When I buy a house it must hve a heater in the bathroom. It's a must!! You may ask why she doesn't stay at my place now. Well whould you stay at a girlfriends/boyfriends place with there ex and exs parents there too. Oh and there brother. I wouldn't stay over. Too much crap to deal with. So I understand why she won't stay over but it would be nice if she did. A change of pace. But I won't push her into it. And I don't expect her to stay over ever. It's a weird situation. Lol I'm not sure if I could sleep over at a place with all that going on. Nope. After seeing the room my friend is renting I already know how to set up my stuff in there. So exited. Did I mention that I'm exited!!! Oh not just because I'm getting out of the situation that I'm in now but because by then I should also have a local job by then. Well I fugging better have a local job. I don't care what I'm doing long as I'm not driveing over the road. Ok made it to Denver. Got to go.

Stupid driver an bad weather

Ok so this topic came up for me six hours ago. I was driving through Washington dc. Well the outer edge anyways. I hate traffic and it was bad today. Once it started moving again I saw an accident and it was way off the road. So everyone had to slow down and look. God I hate that!!! More about what I saw later. So about five miles later when I was merging onto a bigger freeway a guy in a car was looking down at something and almost ran right into me if I hadn't hit the brakes I whould have hit him. He had gone across three lanes of traffic and came with in less then a foot from the nose of the truck. Scared the crap out of me. Pissed me off. So when I past that accident I may have seen a dead body. I'm not sure if there was a body or not but got me thinking. I have never seen a dead body before other than on tv or movies. I went my my stepdads dads funeral and it was an open casket but I didn't go up to see and say goodbye. I don't know how I whould react to seeing a dead body. I thought I may have become a cop but haveing to go to accidents and possably shoot someone. I decided I couldn't do that. I would have bad dreams for ever. Lol.

Why is it that when there is ba weather there are two types of drivers. Ones that slow way the fug down and ones that act stupid by doing stupid things. Driveing way too fast for contituons and swerving in and out of traffic. Stupid drivers. That goes for the poeple that don't know how to merge properly. I mean ten times today I have had poeple in cars do stupid things. It's like this....they are comeing on the free way and are about 80' ahead...yes AHEAD of me and then they see me and slow or fugging stop and get behind me. What the fug!!! There was another thing I wanted to put down but I forgot. Oh well.

Aaahhhhaaaa

I just figuered out why I want to read graces blog so bad. My ex held secrets and wouldn't let me meet her friends because she had secrets that afected me. I don't want secrets between me and grace. Since I have been with grace I haven't kept anything from her and I belive that she isn't holding any secrets but i'm not sure all I can do is ask. But if I ask then that shows I don't trust her so I won't ask and that goes for the other thing as well. If she didn't want to be with me she would have ended it by now...I think. But I trust her and love her and our time together is great and I should just exept that things are good and not worry and just enjoy my time with her. :0)

Worried

That has me so worried and has made my mind go crazy. I'm worried about things I most likely shouldn't be worried about. Since my last relationship failed manly because I was and am gone so much. I worry that grace will end things for the same reason. Now I only feel this way when I'm on the road. When I'm with her I feel fine and that she wants to be with me. We don't talk much about us and how things are going but I assume that if there was something wrong or an issue she whould bring it up to me. My ex held things in till it was too late so I hope that grace isn't doing that as well. Everything we talk about (us) she says everything I'm doing is fine and enough. She thinks I do alot for her and doesn't want to take advantage of me and start to expect things from me. In relationships I feel like a child until I have no sought In my mind that we are totaly together. It will take me being with grace for a year to feel that way. I think after a year you know things are fine and can relax a bit. Not saying that I or you should stop doing things the way you have been for the last year. Why do I always have bad feeling when I'm on the road. I hate feeling this way cus I blog it then when I'm home I don't feel that way any more but I don't blog how I feel when I'm home. Why is that? Well grace is up now and off to work. Once she gets there and goes on yahoo messager she will see what I did from my last post. Worrieing about that made me think that I should ask her if she still has feeling of wanting to run away. I'm not sure if I should MSG her the question or call and ask her or wait till I get home and ask her face to face. Idk I could just be over reacting. I'm going to try to wait til I'm home that way I have time to think about it and if it comes out that she does ....I don't know what I will do. All the time I spend with her I never feel like she wants to run....wait I have only when she's around my daughter.

Thought just popped into my head. This weekend well last weekend. Everyone was talking about haveing kids. Grace told me that she always said that if she was going to have kids it would be by the time she was 33 and married. She turns 33 in September. But in other talks she said that she's glad she doesn't have kids. So I don't know what to think. Lol after all I have said and put down in blogs here if she asked me to have a kid with her I would under one codition. We get maried. As things stand right now I KNOW for a fact that THAT isn't going to or even crossed her mind. Lol. I may love her but I feel that she's working throught issues of her own. The only thing I hope is that she is doing and working her issues out for herself and not because I have influenced her to do so or doing it for me. I don't think or want her to change for me or anyone. All I want for her is to be happy and if I'm in that happyness all the better cus that whould make me happy

Blogs

I don't know why it's so hard for me not to look at graces blog. I want to know what she puts down but I respect her wishes and haven't read a thing. Why am I so nosey? Things are good between us so I should be happy but every time I go out on the road I have a feeling that she's going to end things. And I KNOW that's because of my last relationship. I'm affriad it's going to go down the same way. Maybe that's y I haven't been sleeping well if at all lately.

Well finished one load now we are off to get the next and drive somewhere near Denver. Part of me likes the road and part of me hates it like crazy. Moneys good but home time sucks! I want a local job so bad I can taste it. Blank for the moment back when driveing......Shit shit shit!!!!! I think I came across her blog. I'm not sure thought. I was going through blogs to see what there was out there and as the page was loading I saw something that said it maybe hers so. I left as fast as I could but she may still think I read something idk. I told here I may have come across it and left as I could. I feel bad and worried. Very very worried

Post secret and postcard secrets

I have been reading secrets that poeple have and all kinds of old feelings came up that I thought I had buried deep inside. I'm crying from the pain of memeries. All from things poeple have gone theough. I have menu secrets and may send in a post card my self. Or I will blog it here. I haven't decided yet. I'm overwelmed with the pain and don't want to be too quick. What if some one I know reads it. Here they will know me on the site they won't know it's me. But I can say this... When I was younger from how my family acted that holding in your feeling was the way things were done. Atleast that's what I pocked up on. So that's what I did. I would hold in all the pain I was feeling until I lashed out. All the pain was still there but I was noticed atleast. Grace has told me some of her past and the picture that she has painted for me isn't a happy child hood but she made the best of it. She has an outlook on life of the good that can happen. I feel at times that there is something she's hiding from me but it doesn't feel like it's a bad thing...well bad to me...um about me I mean. Anyways back to me. I want to finaly let go of my pain my secrets but worrie that she will see this or one of her friends and tell her. I just remmembered that she said I can put it down here and just save it and not post it. I will do that first but if the pain stays then I will post it so all can see it. That way it will be out and should be gone from me forever

Driveing thoughts

I haven't read graces blog yet and it's hard for me not to. For my nature is to want to know things. The hardest part is when I know when she has done one. On our trip back she said she hadn't wrote one in a long time and plans to write one soon. She also said she hasn't read mine since that first time. I would feel horable if I found out she was lieing to me. Just as I'm sure if I read her blog and she found out. It would be a major issue that trust would b lost. Like I know she has a diary. She told me that she blogs things she can and uses her diary to put things down that she can't put in her blog. Because so menu poeple know about her blog and doesn't want to have back lash from it. I don't like to b in her house alone because the temptation to find her dairy and find out how she realy feels is strong. But I don't look for thing and always ask before looking for something. I don't want to come across anthing she doesn't want me to see. Besides the feelings I reseve from her are loveing and desire and want. Long as I feel that she wants to be with me I won't read her blog. Long as I feel that she is being honest and true to herself and me I have no reason to read her blog. All I feel is longing but after spending all my time with her after a week I can tell she's ready for some time alone. Witch I understand. She is trying so hard to be with me. I just hope she's doing it for her self and not for me. As much as it would hurt for her to let me go. I would rather it be sooner then later. Do I...do I realy feel that way. I think I would have/be with her any way I could get her. At times I feel like she doesn't know how or can't exept that someone loves her for what she is...dings and all. It's as if she thinks she's not worth someones love so openly...some one that makes it so clear that they want her and to be around her. I'm interested in everything she does. It's an intersting feeling knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with some one and haven't been with them very long. But it's true I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Man I'm exhausted. I need to sleep but I can't I have too drive. I need to make some money. I'm broke. I got $100 in my account. I haven't been this broke in a long time. I have to make $2500 by the 1st or I'm screwed. I hate not paying bills on time. All the time I have taken off has fugged me. But the time I got to spend with grace has been priceless. I wouldn't have missed her stemcell donation for any reason. I made plans with her and I haven't missed those plans yet but now I can't make any plans or miss any work for anything. Well I will miss work for only a few reasons. The highest one would be if she ended up in the hospital...let's hope that doesn't happen. Ok almost drove off the road so got to go

Adding to post

I was going to add to a post but this is easier. I don't remember what I was going to say. Lol so... I hvent slept well I the last few days and I'm working off of three hours of sleep. I need more but every time I'm exhausted all kinds of feelings come up that I didn't know I had. Like I always feel like I'm going to screw up my relationship with grace. Now I only feel that way when I'm on the road. I can only assume that it's because that's what caused my last relationship to fail. Well a part of it anyways. I have slot of issues to work through. I love grace and tell her so when I can't hold it in any more. The time fram between sayings is comeing closer and closer together. I don't expect grace to say it back to me...yet. It's still way early to be saying it. And why is it that I namely blog about her. I can only think it's because she's always on my mind. Almost every second of every day. To be honest it's kinda creepy right? On our way back up to Reno from LA this weekend we talked slot and she told me about how she felt when she first met me. She told me that she wanted to run away as fast as she could. I need to ask her if she still has feelings like that. Ok sleep time I hope

No sleep

So I left graces realy fast last night since I had to go to work. I hated leaveing like that but had no choice. I got about three hours of sleep and started driving. I finished driveing a few hours ago. I layed down and fell asleep and had a dream where grace was with that guy and I woke up. I don't understand why I had that dream. I called grace and told her about it minus what guy and she said with my past she could understand that. I told her I haven't felt a vibe that she was doing anything and she said that's good. She didn't say thy she wasn't doing anything but that's what I'm getting from her. So all is well. I'm happy being with her and I beloved that she's happy to be with me. Back to not sleeping. I'm so tiers but can't sleep. This always happens when I drive the night shift. I have a realy hard time sleeping in the day.

My iPhone crashed again!!! I lost everything. My music my apps and my numbers. I hate the fact that the iPhone won't let you save numbers to the sim card. It's so stupid!!! So pissed!!!

I hvent talked about this yet but grace does rollerderby. At first it was realy cool and I enjoyed going. I even got skates to skate with her. We haven't skated together yet but I had fun doing it and will keep skateing. The only part that I'm haveing second thoughts about is becomeing a ref for there bouts. There is so much droma with rollerderby. It's getting me down about skateing and even going to practice. I go now only because I want to spend time with grace. I enjoy every moment I get to spend with her. Like right now after takeing so much time off lately I'm not sure when the next time I will get to see her. And I'm not sure when I'm going to see my daughter again either. I can't wait to have a local job. Spending time with grace will be easier and seeing my daughter as well. I plan to move out of were I am now and rent a room from a friend. I know at first I will spend slot of time with grace because I won't be used to being home all the time. It will take me some time to get used to that fact. Ok got to go try to sleep

M day

Well the baby shower was fun. Seeing all my family was nice. Seeing graces family was nice too. Had a great time. Now back to the grind stone. Work work work. Add more later but right now must sleep. After this weekend I have no doughts that grace wants to be with me. I may still be gelious from time to time but I belive and can feel that grace won't do anything to hurt me. The fear of her useing me is faded if not gone. The guy I thought she was interested in ...um he may be interested but I think it's only cus he can't have her and is gelious. As how grace feels about it is well my guess is that in her eyes is only eye candy. Something to look at and feel Gorky about. I don't think she would do anything until she ended things with me and I don't feel that she wants to end things with me yet. Things are GREAT. The affection I got and felt this weekend was great and strong. Enough about that now about other things. I have getton my add in the paper done and on thrursday I can take the paper work to the courts and finish my name change. Then I can get my hazmat back and apply to so menu more local jobs. I'm so exited to have ... Well a LIFE again. I don't know what I would have done with out graces support. She has opens my eyes on so menu things. Thinking about one right now. I have to go and research it some so. That's it for now

Trip

Well tommorrow grace and I are going to LA for my cusins baby shower. It's going to b a long day for me. I have to drive or b awake all day and then drive all the way to LA. Starting at 5pm we wouldn't get to LA until 3am or so. Why does everything have to be a cluster fuck. We my not have a load back to Reno in time for me to drive back down to LA tommorrow. Arg. I may have to fly home then drive down. It's still early but we will see.

Happyness

Grace and I are doing great! She seems to have loosened up some and is starting to enjoy being with me. :0) I haven't been this happy with someone ever. I helped her do alot around here house yesterday. Part because I wanted to help and the other is because I was bored. I hate not working. I have a hard time keeping my self busy. Well I can always find things to do but most cost money and since I'm not working at the moment I'm trying not to spend alot of money. I got my newspaper articel in the mail so in just 8 days I can take it to the courts and have my name changed. Yay! Then I can get my hazmat back on my cdl and apply to more local jobs. So I'm moving in the right detection. I'm fact every part of my life is moveing in the right way now. Bliss. It's great. Happy happy go lucky. Lol that's all I have to say.

thinking

in laying in bed and i thinking about grace. i realized that she will never stay over at my place because of my exs family. and i understand if we were going to have sex but i would like her to stay over just once even if there wasnt sex. i just like to have her next to me.

anywho...so im feeling much better now. i havent puked from either end. lol. i have eaten and i had a nice day with a friend. i was dieing at home...so bored!!! why do i need others around to not be bored? i dont get it. im alone on the truck so much and never talk to poeple on the phone....oh thats why. duh!! i do chat with a few poeple through the day but out of ten to 12 hours at a time i only chat with poeple maybe an hour of that. im so bored all the time out on the road that when im home i have to try to keep myself busy or i get bored at home. witch happens alot. i have always needed others around to have a good time. crap i need to just go out and do things by my self. explore around the city i live in since i dont know jack about it and where things are. lol. well im off to bed. later

Yuk

So I got so sick I went to the urgent care. I told grace that I was better. I told her that so she wouldn't be worried about me and whould have a good time at the wedding. She couldn't do anything for me down in SD. I'm feeling better now. I kept food down last night. So that's good. I went to the WC and helped set up for the bout. I helped the guy that grace has feelings for put up the banners. Again. Me grace and her wife put them up in last wed. So when I say that they were down again I got pissed. But me and this guy put them back up. It was wierd to work with the guy that grace flirts with. No other girl has flirted with him from what I see but I see him flirt with alot of the other girls. Like yesterday. He flirted with five girls in like ten min. Now I guess he could have just been goofing off but that is a form of flirting. Well got to go

Ummm what?

What am I doing? I love grace. Whould do almost anything for her. Yet I know that she's interested in someone else. Why haven't I confronted her yet? And how can I know I love her already. I still haven't seen her mad or sad or a few other things. I mean realy I bearly know her. I told her a month after we met that I loved her. Scary. If I was her I whould have diched me then. So why is she stil with me? She must feel some kind of pull toward me. I can see diferent emotions in her eyes all the time. Some loveing and desireing and others the oposite. To me it seems like she doesn't know how to deal with me. In the fact that I'm treating her right and liveing her. It's almost like she's not willing to be loved and doesn't know how to be loved. Idk all I know is that I chearish every moment I spend with her.

Other news. I hve been sick for two days now. I finaly slept last night. Yay. And I'm able to eat some crackers now. And they are staying in me for the time anyways. Lol well speaxking of staying. Got to go:0(