No sleep

So I left graces realy fast last night since I had to go to work. I hated leaveing like that but had no choice. I got about three hours of sleep and started driving. I finished driveing a few hours ago. I layed down and fell asleep and had a dream where grace was with that guy and I woke up. I don't understand why I had that dream. I called grace and told her about it minus what guy and she said with my past she could understand that. I told her I haven't felt a vibe that she was doing anything and she said that's good. She didn't say thy she wasn't doing anything but that's what I'm getting from her. So all is well. I'm happy being with her and I beloved that she's happy to be with me. Back to not sleeping. I'm so tiers but can't sleep. This always happens when I drive the night shift. I have a realy hard time sleeping in the day.

My iPhone crashed again!!! I lost everything. My music my apps and my numbers. I hate the fact that the iPhone won't let you save numbers to the sim card. It's so stupid!!! So pissed!!!

I hvent talked about this yet but grace does rollerderby. At first it was realy cool and I enjoyed going. I even got skates to skate with her. We haven't skated together yet but I had fun doing it and will keep skateing. The only part that I'm haveing second thoughts about is becomeing a ref for there bouts. There is so much droma with rollerderby. It's getting me down about skateing and even going to practice. I go now only because I want to spend time with grace. I enjoy every moment I get to spend with her. Like right now after takeing so much time off lately I'm not sure when the next time I will get to see her. And I'm not sure when I'm going to see my daughter again either. I can't wait to have a local job. Spending time with grace will be easier and seeing my daughter as well. I plan to move out of were I am now and rent a room from a friend. I know at first I will spend slot of time with grace because I won't be used to being home all the time. It will take me some time to get used to that fact. Ok got to go try to sleep

M day

Well the baby shower was fun. Seeing all my family was nice. Seeing graces family was nice too. Had a great time. Now back to the grind stone. Work work work. Add more later but right now must sleep. After this weekend I have no doughts that grace wants to be with me. I may still be gelious from time to time but I belive and can feel that grace won't do anything to hurt me. The fear of her useing me is faded if not gone. The guy I thought she was interested in ...um he may be interested but I think it's only cus he can't have her and is gelious. As how grace feels about it is well my guess is that in her eyes is only eye candy. Something to look at and feel Gorky about. I don't think she would do anything until she ended things with me and I don't feel that she wants to end things with me yet. Things are GREAT. The affection I got and felt this weekend was great and strong. Enough about that now about other things. I have getton my add in the paper done and on thrursday I can take the paper work to the courts and finish my name change. Then I can get my hazmat back and apply to so menu more local jobs. I'm so exited to have ... Well a LIFE again. I don't know what I would have done with out graces support. She has opens my eyes on so menu things. Thinking about one right now. I have to go and research it some so. That's it for now

Trip

Well tommorrow grace and I are going to LA for my cusins baby shower. It's going to b a long day for me. I have to drive or b awake all day and then drive all the way to LA. Starting at 5pm we wouldn't get to LA until 3am or so. Why does everything have to be a cluster fuck. We my not have a load back to Reno in time for me to drive back down to LA tommorrow. Arg. I may have to fly home then drive down. It's still early but we will see.

Happyness

Grace and I are doing great! She seems to have loosened up some and is starting to enjoy being with me. :0) I haven't been this happy with someone ever. I helped her do alot around here house yesterday. Part because I wanted to help and the other is because I was bored. I hate not working. I have a hard time keeping my self busy. Well I can always find things to do but most cost money and since I'm not working at the moment I'm trying not to spend alot of money. I got my newspaper articel in the mail so in just 8 days I can take it to the courts and have my name changed. Yay! Then I can get my hazmat back on my cdl and apply to more local jobs. So I'm moving in the right detection. I'm fact every part of my life is moveing in the right way now. Bliss. It's great. Happy happy go lucky. Lol that's all I have to say.

thinking

in laying in bed and i thinking about grace. i realized that she will never stay over at my place because of my exs family. and i understand if we were going to have sex but i would like her to stay over just once even if there wasnt sex. i just like to have her next to me.

anywho...so im feeling much better now. i havent puked from either end. lol. i have eaten and i had a nice day with a friend. i was dieing at home...so bored!!! why do i need others around to not be bored? i dont get it. im alone on the truck so much and never talk to poeple on the phone....oh thats why. duh!! i do chat with a few poeple through the day but out of ten to 12 hours at a time i only chat with poeple maybe an hour of that. im so bored all the time out on the road that when im home i have to try to keep myself busy or i get bored at home. witch happens alot. i have always needed others around to have a good time. crap i need to just go out and do things by my self. explore around the city i live in since i dont know jack about it and where things are. lol. well im off to bed. later

Yuk

So I got so sick I went to the urgent care. I told grace that I was better. I told her that so she wouldn't be worried about me and whould have a good time at the wedding. She couldn't do anything for me down in SD. I'm feeling better now. I kept food down last night. So that's good. I went to the WC and helped set up for the bout. I helped the guy that grace has feelings for put up the banners. Again. Me grace and her wife put them up in last wed. So when I say that they were down again I got pissed. But me and this guy put them back up. It was wierd to work with the guy that grace flirts with. No other girl has flirted with him from what I see but I see him flirt with alot of the other girls. Like yesterday. He flirted with five girls in like ten min. Now I guess he could have just been goofing off but that is a form of flirting. Well got to go

Ummm what?

What am I doing? I love grace. Whould do almost anything for her. Yet I know that she's interested in someone else. Why haven't I confronted her yet? And how can I know I love her already. I still haven't seen her mad or sad or a few other things. I mean realy I bearly know her. I told her a month after we met that I loved her. Scary. If I was her I whould have diched me then. So why is she stil with me? She must feel some kind of pull toward me. I can see diferent emotions in her eyes all the time. Some loveing and desireing and others the oposite. To me it seems like she doesn't know how to deal with me. In the fact that I'm treating her right and liveing her. It's almost like she's not willing to be loved and doesn't know how to be loved. Idk all I know is that I chearish every moment I spend with her.

Other news. I hve been sick for two days now. I finaly slept last night. Yay. And I'm able to eat some crackers now. And they are staying in me for the time anyways. Lol well speaxking of staying. Got to go:0(